From the Heart

Hello all,

What I'm about to write is very personal.

Please, no one take this post the wrong way. I'm not trying to get a pity party out of anyone. I'm not trying to talk like I know anything about life or death for that matter. I just know how I feel...

And this is it.

Most people who know my family or keep up with my blog know that my dad died last year of cancer. Actually, it was one year ago on the 9th. And honestly, time has seemed move quickly and not at all since his passing.

As I've said before, for those who have lost loved ones...you know the pain. It's a terrible gut wrenching pain you don't really understand until it happens to you. It's like the worst torture to the heart and the greatest confusion to the mind. Whether you believe in heaven or not, it's nice to know that a loved one is done suffering. Yet at the same time you're upset. You want them to suffer more just so YOU could have one more day with them. You don't admit that. Why would you? It's such a cruel thought. But you feel it was cruel of the world to take your loved one from you. You're angry at people; doctors, nurses, yourself. You feel as though any of them could've made a difference.

If you would have just saw the signs earlier. They seem so obvious after it's all said and done...

You want to be comforted. You want to be told that it's okay. But,  at the same time you want to be left alone, and just hide from the world. You want to wallow in self-pity because at the moment it's so much simpler than accepting the truth and  moving on.

They say that there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Well, they left one stage out: Emptiness.

Because honestly, if you lose a loved one, be it your dog, your mom, brother, sister, aunt, friend...you're never going to feel completely whole again. And that pain, while it may dull, won't go away.

Luckily though, you always have people who care. And they're there for you.

They walk with you, let you talk things out, give a shoulder to cry on. You won't feel whole again, because the person who died will always have a piece of your heart. But, there are always other's out there to help make their pieces of your heart feel content. To help you see that they need you as much as you need them.

And that, my friends, is where you'll find peace with life after the loss of a loved one. Heaven knows my friends and family came together to help out after my dad's death. And I couldn't be more grateful to them for it.

I miss my dad on a daily basis. I still expect to go home sometimes and just sit down and chat with him like I used to. But it won't happen. Instead, I get to go home and have dinner with my mom. I get to talk to my friends or siblings who are more than willing to help out with any problems I have in my life. They may not understand what I'm dealing with sometimes, but they try their hardest to figure it out.

And for that I'm truly grateful.

 

“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ Williams Penn

The Nervous Traveler

I'm at it again.

I was away from this blog for so long...mostly due in part to the fact that I forgot my password and didn't care to take the time to get it replaced (although it only takes about 5 minutes or less to do so). But here I am.

I honestly will try to be more consistent this time with my blog posts, especially with my trip coming up. Only 5 more weeks and I will basking under the sun in the good old mountains of Switzerland. To say I'm excited is an understatement.

We will be traveling from Chicago to Zurich....

I've never left the states before. Ever. So this will be my first trip flying internationally. So while I'm extremely excited to be flying to Europe, I'm also extremely nervous. Not about the flight though, or the fact that we'll be in a different country where we know no German (we have our own personal translator, I think we'll be okay). But simply getting on the flight and making sure we have everything is my big stress factor.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who does this or not, but it seems like every time I go on a trip I will forget something that I wish I would've had with me. Even if I make a list and check everything off, I still somehow forget something. Maybe it's just in my nature to be like that, who knows.

So, in my case, I've made two list's. A physical hand written copy that I've put in my suitcase till the time comes, and I've made a list on my phone for that day. Hopefully that helps me out a tad bit.

It's just so weird in terms of packing...

For those who don't know, European outlets are completely different from our own. Basically if I were to plug my phone into an outlet over there it would fry it because of the voltage difference....that is if I could even plug my phone into the wall. The outlets also look completely different. We wouldn't be able to plug our devices into the wall anyway...

So that means no hairdryer, phone charger, straightener....no electronics of any kind that I would normally take with me on a vacation.

I also have to make sure I have all of my documentation with me (passport, drivers license, etc) unless there's no way the airport is letting me on my flight. 

And while the time is quickly approaching, it also seems very far away. I feel as though time will go exceptionally fast like it has been (where did May go?!) and exceptionally slow all at the same time. 

These next couple weeks are sure to be crazy....so here's hoping they go by fast!