As I'm writing this letter, I'm shocked to think about how quickly almost 7 years have come and gone. I say almost because while I'm at the peaking point of 23, I'm not quite there yet.
It's funny, really. You're perception of life has changed drastically. I know very well at 23 you thought you would be getting married, settling down, maybe thinking about starting a family. It seemed like a good age to start doing all of that back then.
You were very wrong.
While I'll admit, I've learned a lot over the course of 7 years, I'm not any wiser now than I was back then. You thought you'd have everything figured out, and that from 23 on up, your path would be fairly simple. And while life is fairly simple at this point, you have nothing figured out. In fact you're made blatantly aware of this with each passing day.
But that's okay, because at 23 you still have a lifetime ahead of you.
The worries that you have now, are silly compared to what you deal with later.
Yes, you do graduate school. It was stressful, and you pulled a couple all-nighters senior year to get some projects done but you do it.
You do end up going to prom, but it's not near as magical or entertaining as people had it hyped up to be. In fact, you end up completely skipping it your senior year to go on a trip to Florida instead. Frankly, the Florida trip has better memories than prom ever will.
You'll date before you graduate. And you'll think you love the guy, but honestly, you have no idea what love is. However, trying to convince you of that now is silly. You need this experience. You need the impending heart break, so you know that pain. And believe me, you'll get your heart broke before your first year of college. But don't worry, time heals all wounds.
You've heard, and will continue to hear how college is full of experimentation. You hear of people going to parties and getting drunk. Doing drugs just to see what it's like. And you turn your nose up at it because you think you won't do any of that. That you'll be a good kid and that you won't fall victim to such "destructive acts" as you once labeled them.
You are so naïve.
You hit a rebellious streak. Sneaking out, drinking, experimenting with illegal things....it kind of becomes part of you for awhile. Anything dangerous or "taboo" in society, you decide at this point that you want to try. And you do.
The only thing I commend and at the same time condemn you for, is how well you keep all of this rebellion under wraps. Unless you were around the people you were doing these "bad acts" with, no one knew. In fact, lying became quite a remarkable talent of yours.
And frankly, it's sad you got to that point. I would like to convince you that none of that makes any of the pain of a break-up any easier. That you should still keep those morals you went into college with. But, that's easier said than done.
You end up meeting another guy eventually, and you fall head over heels with him. You are convinced at one point when you're with him that you will spend the rest of your life with him, and you start planning this unimaginable future with him.
You end spending almost 4 years with him. And within those 4 years, a LOT of things change.
You'll go through the hardest time of your life at 21 when you find out that you're dad has cancer. It becomes terminal, and you get to watch as part of your world comes crumbling to a bitter, tragic end. THAT'S when you discover a lot about yourself.
You discover true, heart-breaking pain. You discover the comfort of friendship. You discover the comfort of family. You discover the value of God in your life....
And you being to realize that everything you thought you had figured out....you're hopes, dreams, ambitions....they aren't what you want at all. You sit down one day and stare at a mirror for a good hour crying, looking at yourself and wondering why everything that seemed so simple, was now upside down. Why, now, more than ever, you feel at a total and complete loss in your life.
June 9, 2013...you'll remember that date always. The day your dad passed away. The day everything begins to change.
You move back in with your mom, at first convinced just to help with bills. But eventually you realize it's to seek comfort from someone who's hurting just as much as you. And during that time of mourning, you realize that you life really is too short. Even though you've been told that a million times, for some reason, it just sinks in even more now.
2014 brought so much change. You decide to spend money and travel overseas just like you always dreamed. You....and allow me to emphasize YOU, break up with that guy you had been dating for 4 years. It's hard, and you're upset about it. And for awhile you wonder if you made the right decision. But, trust me, you did.
So, while you may not be married with kids in your own house like you wanted to be. At the current moment in life, I'd say you're exactly where you need to be. Which honestly, a house, kids, and married is no where near where you're at. So how about just getting that idea out of you're head till you're like 30. Okay?
Okay.
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