The Unachieveable Image

Judgment.

We live in a world full of judgmental people. We live in an age of judgmental society. No matter who you are or where you go, you are expected to act as a reasonable member of society.

Somehow over the years we have developed this "image" of what we expect people to look like. Where this image came from and who enforced it remains a mystery. But, I curse whoever did it.

Because of this image, people are constantly running through their lives questioning things about themselves that they shouldn't have to question. Am I too fat? Am I too ugly? Am I too skinny? Is my voice weird? Am I wrong for liking that girl? Am I wrong for not loving myself? What should my religion be? Should I follow in the footsteps of my parents? Am I wrong for getting a tattoo? Am I wrong for believing in the cause? Who am I?

The list just goes on and on. And frankly, I can't stand it.

There's all this talk of individualism and loving yourself for who you are. I laugh at this. Not because it isn't true, and not because I don't believe in it. I whole-heartedly believe in loving yourself. But because as a society we contradict this concept SO much.

I can't say I'm perfect at it either. I'm honestly one of the biggest contradicting person you'll meet. I try to tell myself I'm not, but there are some thing's that bother me. And while they're my own demons and inner thoughts, I do also blame the world we live in that encourage my way of thinking. All the media, social websites, and down right stubborn people have made me believe that I am right in my way of thinking. I'm right to think that I have to be stick thin to feel pretty. I'm right to think that just because I'm female, I'll never be as strong as a man.

Lately, I've stepped back and taken a hard look at who I am. Throughout the last couple weeks I've made a list of things that I've done that other's think wrong or stupid. But, the things on this list are who make me...me. And as I've looked at the list over and over again, I've realized that even if I wanted to change aspects of those parts of my life, I couldn't.

I grew up and formed these aspects of my personality. Whether it was enhanced through social media or not varies on the trait.

For example, I will NEVER have the high self esteem that I wish I had. It just won't happen. Not because I don't work out, eat right, or do anything about it. I do. But because we, as a society, have made the "perfect woman/man" unachievable.

Have you ever talked to beauty queens? Donned as the most beautiful and inspiring women, they still have something about themselves that they would probably like to change. And I'll be the first to admit that I've judge them as well. I mean, they're being judged on beauty, so mine as well put in my two sense right?

Yet I would do anything to look like some of those girls. Any of those girls. ALL of them. Because truthfully, they're gorgeous. All of them in they're own way. But, someone, somewhere, would trade any of them in for an overweight, Dorito eating chick who just likes to chill at home watching TV all the time. Who's to say she's not beautiful too? Where did the line between either those begin and end?

It's the same with personality. If you're not outgoing enough, suddenly people think you're stuck up. If you're too outgoing, people think you're annoying. If you have tattoo's and dreads, people think you're unsuccessful. If you don't have any tattoo's and dress modestly people think you're a "goody-two-shoes".

Therefore, because of these judgments we miss the opportunity on meeting people that we could probably really connect with. And frankly, it's just sad. I wish the world we're different. I wish I could talk to some people, just to see WHY they do things they do. Or just to learn something about them.

No, not everyone that you meet will defy those expectations that you have created in your head. Sometimes people are exactly what you expect them to be. In my mind, if you're covered with dreads and tattoo's then you are probably a druggy who makes a living off the government. And because of that, I won't talk to you because it would be clear that we have nothing in common. That, and I just wouldn't want to get to know you. Why, would I want that kind of influence on my life?

We judge people before we even get to know them. Clearly, I know, because as I just stated, I do it. Because in our minds, we have this standard of how people should act, what they should look like, and what they should be. And whether we know it or not we compare ourselves to that image, whatever it may be. Except, it's that image, PLUS the image of what society thinks you should be too.

Hence, the unachievable image. The image that we are always trying to reach, because there is always something off about us that we want to change because you don't want to be like those "other" people.

It bugs me and I wish we could break free of such a state. I wish the unachievable image was more along the lines of "Here's who you are. You are unique. Enjoy it."

I wonder how the world would be then?

You're your own worst Enemy

Hello everyone,

Well, I didn't post as I had wanted to last week, so I'll make up for that lost time now.

I said I would make this blog partially about my life while still incorporating my exercise into it as well. And that's just what I intend to do. So, this is the exercise part.

I've been exercising and trying to eat better for the past month or so. I've gained weight, mostly because I do strength training rather than cardio (Don't get me wrong, I do cardio too, but I seriously hate running. So my cardio consists of numerous jumping jacks, jump rope, and other various forms).

They tell you not to focus on the number on the scale, especially if you're hoping to gain muscle (which I am). But, let's be honest, that number on the scale sticks in your mind like a contagious song. A contagious, depressing song.

I've had my fair share of jumping on and off the scale in the past and simply plopping on my bed wondering why I ever exercised in the first place. It clearly didn't help, and I didn't gain anything from it. Of course, that was before this blog was even thought of, and before I started training last year the way I did.

Anyway, my point is, it's easy to lose focus and become depressed about the number on the scale. That's why a lot of experts suggest to not hop on the scale for a few weeks after you start exercising. But I'm just one of those people that MUST know. For who knows why, I'm not sure. A subconscious presence basically just screams at me just to look, and so I do.

If I weren't exercising and eating better, I would become depressed by the number on the scale. It's not like I haven't made progress, but it's definitely not the progress I wanted to see.

BUT, I AM exercising, and I AM eating better. So even when I step on the scale and see that number, I really focus more on how I feel. Which is SO hard to do the first two weeks of beginning exercise because you basically feel like shit and wonder who the hell does this to themselves.

And, if I'm being completely honest, I hopped on that scale the first two days after I exercised and was depressed I hadn't lost ANY weight. My body was sore, and I felt like I could've fallen over with every given step (I still feel that way after exercising sometimes). So, clearly since I felt so horrible, it meant I had dropped at least a pound or so.

It's completely silly and ridiculous to think that way, but I did. And, when you have that frame of mind, it's so hard to stay focused on exercising when you set your expectations to such an unrealistic level. Listen, unless you have that kind of money to go out and  decide to have liposuction on your body, you will NEVER SEE immediate results. You'll feel them, but wont see them.

I'm not gonna lie, I've scoured the internet for work out programs, and along the way I've read more articles on working out than I can remember. But, some of those tips/motivations I would like to share for all those who are struggling and depressed with continuing you're exercise routines.

1 If you have to look at the scale, look at it in the morning, not before you go to bed. A lot of people know this, but for those who don't, your weight DOES fluctuate during the day. You didn't eat for 6 to 8 hours because you were sleeping. Of course your weight is gonna be different after a day of moving around and EATING. So better to hop on the scale before the day begins rather than when it ends.

2. Endurance! You will feel like crap after the first day you do intensive exercise. The good thing about it is, you're body adjusts and becomes used to the movement. So, the next time you exercise, you won't feel as bad. You'll be sweaty and look like a hot mess still, but you're body will feel GOOD after the next time. Not terrible. So that's something to look forward to.

3. You build muscle to get that six pack, so expect weight to go up. Just always remember, muscle weight more than fat. So instead of focusing on the number, focus on how much better you fit into those pants you just got. (I always feel that even if I haven't lost weight, I still look better in jeans than I did the day before. Like that little cellulite patch, just got a little bit smaller. Take that Cellulite!)

4. Losing a pound may not seems like a lot, but trust me, it is.

The above picture proves my point. That is 1 pound of solid fat. (You'll feel pretty good about losing a pound from now on won't you?)

5. Don't feel guilty if you can't do that exercise, cause more than likely, not a lot of other people can do it either. The Jillian Michaels video I have has variations of exercises you can do if you can't do that full on form of a side plank lunge with a kick step karate chop....Okay, so I made that up, but some things I stare at and am like, "So, she's a beast and I'm her prey. Show me another way." Luckily the interest is full of variations of different exercises you can do. And again, the cool part about your body is, eventually it'll be strong enough that you'll be able to do that "Beast form" as I like to call them. Till then, just work on building up your strength/endurance.

Finally,

6. Don't give up! You're body is yours to control. It will listen to you, learn the techniques, and build itself up to be able to do the exercises that you want to do. And it will eventually mold itself into what you want it to look like. You just gotta work at it.

I'm sure there's a lot more things other's could add to this list, but I just wanted to keep it short, sweet, and motivated.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Beards, beards, and more beards.

Hello all,

This post is going to be short and sweet, mostly because I just had to write about it and let everyone know what happened.

As I said in my last blog, I had a lot going on this past weekend with a "Beard Competition" that I was in.

It was hosted at the Figure 8 Brewery in Valparaiso, IN by a local group called "The Bearded Avengers". I honestly went to the this thing thinking it was going to be lame, but it actually turned out to be really fun! I met a lot of great people and saw a ton of awesome beards (on men and women alike!).

Also...I ended up winning 1st place in the fake beard category! I was so excited! My brother also ended up winning in his category, which was Full beard. I honestly had so much fun that I decided to do another competition of the sort coming in May. Of course, with a whole new beard design!

Unfortunately, my whole costume started to fall apart before we even left the brewery (thank goodness it made it through the initial judging), so it would be out of the question to use it again. And honestly I don't feel like fixing it up. But, I'm hoping this new beard concept I have will put my old beard to shame.

Here's to a whole lot of hard work and buying supplies!

Also, some pictures from the competition.

 

Me and my brother after the competition. We had both just won and were smiling, but you really can't tell in this pic.

 

Me in front with the other two winners. I loved their beards as well.

 

Jeremy and his friend. They were both announced as "Best in show" and had a face off to see who the audience liked more. My brother won, which was also pretty cool!

 

And finally my trophy which I brought home and happily put on display. Now everyone can see that I won a beard competition.

 

 

For those who are interested, the group who hosted the show has a facebook page which you can click on in the link below. There are more pictures from the competition on there. Go and like it and support the bearded community of Northern Indiana.

 

https://www.facebook.com/TheBeardedAvengers

 

Also there's a youtube video of the whole event which I have copied a link to for anyone interested in viewing that.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBP-ZvDmCfc&feature=youtu.be

 

 

Anyway, that was pretty much my weekend. Went to Valparaiso, won a fake beard competition, and had a good time doing it!

 

I actually wanted to hit on some causes that I'm supporting at the moment, but I'll discuss that next time I'm on here.

 

Have an awesome week all!

Life as we know it.

Hello again all,

I bet you thought I forgot about this blog. Well, I didn't!

Life has been busy. In the past couple months I've told myself, "I'm just going to sit down and write a blog entry."

It never happened. I always ended up getting busy or just not wanting to do it because in my training I wasn't making that much progress.

With that said, I've come to realize I want to broaden the horizons of my blog. I'll still post about fitness on it every now and again. But, I don't want it to be the full purpose of my blog. I want to show the struggles of life, the epiphanies I seem to have about some things, and share advice and adventures I'm going to be going on.

My adventures won't be that much different from any average American, I'm sure. There are probably people out there who live much more exciting and luxurious lives than I do. But, we all take in our own experiences differently. We all want different things out of life.

So, I'll just simply use this blog for my own musings.

Anyway, getting away from all of that...I would like to reflect on the last couple months.

I can actually sum it up in one word. SNOW. Nothing but endless cold and snow.

I've never liked snow, and I especially hate the cold. This winter, however, has seemed more brutal than past ones. So, I've been stuck in a very tedious cycle that includes going to work, coming home, and doing any exercise and/or project inside.

I like to stay busy, but if I can't find anything stimulating to do, I'll usually exercise and then go straight to playing video games. I love video games. A lot of people say it's bad for you, just sitting there killing things. I find that whole "playing video games makes people more violent" theory silly. I don't want to kill people afterward any more than I did when I sat down. Of course, we all react to things differently, so I suppose someone may be effected by the violence of them...but I'm not one.

I've also been busy with getting everything around for my passport. In July I plan to travel to Switzerland for a week and stay with a foreign exchange student my sister had last year. I'm very excited for this opportunity. I've traveled a lot within the US, but I've never traveled outside the country. I'm extremely excited about seeing her and seeing Switzerland, but there's also a small part of me excited to be the foreigner for once in my life.

I've thought about getting a Rosetta Stone set and learning some German before I go, but I'm not sure I could learn enough between now and then to really help me out much. Especially since in Switzerland they speak a different form of German. But, who knows, I'm still on the fence about that investment.

In the meantime, I'll just focus on getting my passport and scheduling the flight while I impatiently wait for Spring to make it's appearance. At this point, it doesn't seem like it's ever going to be warm here again. Especially with the weather man predicting another snow storm this weekend. I really do think mother nature hates the Northern status.

And the snow storm has such bad timing, as I'm suppose to be in a fake beard competition this weekend. I'll post pictures of it later, but my theme is jungle princess. I'm not going to give away my designs, but I think the whole costume looks pretty cool. Here's hoping I at least place in the competition. Fingers crossed.

Just a little thought for the day. Have an awesome weekend!

 

The Bigger Picture

I imagine myself running down the beach....

Free spirited...hair blowing in the breeze.......

My body is phenomenal...just how I always wanted....

I'm tan....I'm smiling....I am for the first time, happy with myself....
...............................................................................................................................................................

That was a dream I had the other night. A dream that included so many emotions in it, I was almost certain it was real. I dream practically all the time, but never with such strong emotion...I was a little stunned when I woke up. I wasn't sure where I was. I had just been on a beach, and now I was in a cold dark room...my bedroom.

I actually, in a way, despise those dreams. Not only do they take you a minute to gather yourself and make your mind realize that you were dreaming, but they also dismay you once you realize that your reality isn't at all like your dream.

But, at the same time, I love those dreams. They give you hope. They give you a sense of what you could have and/or be. They inspire you. Persuade you. They can utterly change you're view of something so much so that you just develop this urge to follow it....

I mean look at what Martin Luther King's dream inspired him to do....

Not that I need the persuasion to exercise....but that feeling I had. That feeling of complete happiness with MYSELF....that's what I want to have.

By the time I'm done with this training that's what I want to achieve. That feeling of happiness. That feeling of accomplishment. Knowing that I was able to make my body look like that....

That's what I want. What I strive for.

I would like to point out though, that in order for my dream to be complete, I have to grow my hair out, and get tan....so just two other things that have to happen before my dream is complete.

My ventures so far have been hard to say the least. I've exercised twice last week. Pitiful? Perhaps. But my muscles are not use to that kind of exertion yet. Which, is depressing because back when I was actively at it, I could do a full half hour of working out and go running without feeling any pain (this was after a full 2 weeks of working at it though).

When it comes to wanting to exercise, a lot of people say that there are no limitations to what you put your mind to....which in a sense is true. If you push yourself hard enough, there are no limitations...however you must also listen to your body. If it's too tired to be pushed any further, you could end up hurting yourself....which could in turn lead you to never want to work out again.

So, I just listened to my body, and relaxed it until I was able to walk without limping. Or lift my arm without searing pain running through it. Ugh.....

So this week, hopefully I'll be able to do a little bit more. Push myself a little bit harder...

While, some days I know it doesn't always seem worth the exercise your putting forth, it's important to always think of the bigger picture. How much you're helping yourself. Your health. And remembering that dream that you have of yourself. Of that happiness you'll have once you're there.

If you aren't happy with yourself....you have to think...what's holding you back?

Some inspiration, I recently read an article about a woman who lost her arms during a fire....she is now a female body builder. You can look it up if you want. But just think, if she can do it....why can't you?

Anyway, my stats for today:

Weight: 142 (so a bit of a jump from when I WAS exercising. Oh well....)

Endurance: Pretty terrible at this point

And my new added stat is...

Self Esteem: Low, but it's a work in progress. (This is more mental than physical. Hopefully becoming more active will help fix that).

Have a good week everyone!!

-Kala

I'm back!!!

Hello all,

So, everyone who doesn't have my facebook or twitter is probably wondering what on earth happened to me? Yes, I've been gone for awhile...

Honestly, I've gone back to this post about 3 or 4 times now...trying to bring myself to post it and actually stick to my word about working out again. I think I'm stable enough now to do so, but why was I away for so long?

Well, what I never told anyone on the blog was that my dad was suffering from cancer. Shortly after I started my blog, he just kept getting worse and worse. We found out it was terminal and that he had 3 weeks to live the day I made my last blog post awhile ago. I was very close to my dad, and it hurt. It hurt a lot more than I was willing to admit to anyone.

I stopped training. I literally went there every day to see my dad...and he slowly went downhill every time I saw him. He lived up to the 3 weeks the doctor had given him. 

He died in June, and I honestly couldn't bring myself to work out or even write a blog. He was such a huge supporter of me doing it and keeping up on this blog. I knew he read it because he would always comment on something from it the next time I saw him. Even now it's still hard to write....it sucks knowing I wont hear a comment from him again.....

To those who have ever lost someone so dear to them...I know how it feels. And to those who have yet to feel such pain, I almost envy you. I would wish this pain on no one.

But life goes on, whether we want it to or not.

I've become sort of unfit again. I've tried to stay up with it, but honestly it was like without my dad's physical motivation here to support me, I just couldn't find the will to do it.

But I know spiritually he's with me, watching me. And I know he would want me to get back on the horse and do it again. Especially if I wanted to. And truly I do. I loved the way I felt when I was getting fit and active. And of course, it sucks knowing I have to get up to that point all over again. But I'm ready for the challenge!

And if you're wondering if I ever went on my Zombie run??? Well I did!! And I was 'turned' into a Zombie. It stunk because it was right at the last minute too before I crossed the finish line. But oh well. It is what it is.

It was still loads of fun, and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to be active but yet still have a good time while doing it.

Anyway, as I start up my training again, I'll try and keep my blog updated every Friday.

But before I go, here are some pictures from my run! :)

BEFORE THE RACE

 AFTER THE RACE

"Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power."

-Blaine Lee

Have an awesome and productive rest of the week everyone!

-Kala

A little advice goes a long way

After my last, dismal post, I'm feeling much better about all my training.

And I have Lina, our foreign exchange student from Switzerland, to thank for that.

I had been complaining to her last weekend about running and about how I felt I wasn't accomplishing anything with my running. "It's just so hard" I kept saying. And she turned to me and said the simplest thing ever.

"If you really want to run, just do it."

For some reason, that's stuck with me. It's such a simple saying. "Just do it." I mean, it's Nike's logo. We see it everywhere. But thinking about it, it's one of the hardest things to do. Especially when it come's to exercising. We all want to do it. But actually just making ourselves do it, is the hardest part of all. It just all comes down to our motivation and want need I guess. And what we have to work for. For me, it's just wanting to do this run, and be able to say "I can do this."

But everyone has different reasons.

Anyway, I've been running almost everyday this week. And I find myself running farther and farther each time, wondering how my body is doing it. The first time I went running I thought I was about to die. My chest burned, my legs hurt...I seriously wondered how it was possible to do it. How do people run so far without just falling over?

This morning I went running, and I kept pushing myself, wondering why I wasn't loosing breath when just last week I found it hard to run a block without my chest catching on fire. However, I've been on a schedule to help keep up my running. I basically run a block, walk a block. Just to help build up my endurance. And it's worked. Now, for this week, I run two blocks, and walk a block. I run for about an hour, which when your running, never seems that long. I know I run at least a mile, which is only one part of the 5K I have to do. But I'm getting there.

That and I think the whole idea of zombies chasing after me will also help since it'll probably kick my adrenaline up.

I only have a month left till this race. And a month and a week left until the bike ride. And I couldn't be more excited. Hopefully, they both live up to the expectations I have for them. But I'm really not worried that they won't.

I've been checking the RunForYourLives  website on updates on the race and such. Since 2013 races have begun they have been putting up slow motion videos that have happened during the race. Below is just one of the examples. :)

 https://www.facebook.com/run.for.your.lives/app_57675755167

Anyway,

Endurance: Getting very good! :)

Weight: 136

Pant size: Same (Seriously, where am I losing this weight at? Oh well..)

Happy Training!