A letter to myself at 16

Dear Me,

As I'm writing this letter, I'm shocked to think about how quickly almost 7 years have come and gone. I say almost because while I'm at the peaking point of 23, I'm not quite there yet.

It's funny, really. You're perception of life has changed drastically. I know very well at 23 you thought you would be getting married, settling down, maybe thinking about starting a family. It seemed like a good age to start doing all of that back then.

You were very wrong.

While I'll admit, I've learned a lot over the course of 7 years, I'm not any wiser now than I was back then. You thought you'd have everything figured out, and that from 23 on up, your path would be fairly simple. And while life is fairly simple at this point, you have nothing figured out. In fact you're made blatantly aware of this with each passing day.

But that's okay, because at 23 you still have a lifetime ahead of you.

The worries that you have now, are silly compared to what you deal with later.

Yes, you do graduate school. It was stressful, and you pulled a couple all-nighters senior year to get some projects done but you do it.

You do end up going to prom, but it's not near as magical or entertaining as people had it hyped up to be. In fact, you end up completely skipping it your senior year to go on a trip to Florida instead. Frankly, the Florida trip has better memories than prom ever will.

You'll date before you graduate. And you'll think you love the guy, but honestly, you have no idea what love is. However, trying to convince you of that now is silly. You need this experience. You need the impending heart break, so you know that pain. And believe me, you'll get your heart broke before your first year of college. But don't worry, time heals all wounds.

You've heard, and will continue to hear how college is full of experimentation. You hear of people going to parties and getting drunk. Doing drugs just to see what it's like. And you turn your nose up at it because you think you won't do any of that. That you'll be a good kid and that you won't fall victim to such "destructive acts" as you once labeled them.

You are so naïve.

You hit a rebellious streak. Sneaking out, drinking, experimenting with illegal things....it kind of becomes part of you for awhile. Anything dangerous or "taboo" in society, you decide at this point that you want to try. And you do.

The only thing I commend and at the same time condemn you for, is how well you keep all of this rebellion under wraps. Unless you were around the people you were doing these "bad acts" with, no one knew. In fact, lying became quite a remarkable talent of yours.

And frankly, it's sad you got to that point. I would like to convince you that none of that makes any of the pain of a break-up any easier. That you should still keep those morals you went into college with. But, that's easier said than done.

You end up meeting another guy eventually, and you fall head over heels with him. You are convinced at one point when you're with him that you will spend the rest of your life with him, and you start planning this unimaginable future with him.

You end spending almost 4 years with him. And within those 4 years, a LOT of things change.

You'll go through the hardest time of your life at 21 when you find out that you're dad has cancer.  It becomes terminal, and you get to watch as part of your world comes crumbling to a bitter, tragic end. THAT'S when you discover a lot about yourself.

You discover true, heart-breaking pain. You discover the comfort of friendship. You discover the comfort of family. You discover the value of God in your life....

And you being to realize that everything you thought you had figured out....you're hopes, dreams, ambitions....they aren't what you want at all. You sit down one day and stare at a mirror for a good hour crying, looking at yourself and wondering why everything that seemed so simple, was now upside down. Why, now, more than ever, you feel at a total and complete loss in your life.

June 9, 2013...you'll remember that date always. The day your dad passed away. The day everything begins to change.

You move back in with your mom, at first convinced just to help with bills. But eventually you realize it's to seek comfort from someone who's hurting just as much as you. And during that time of mourning, you realize that you life really is too short. Even though you've been told that a million times, for some reason, it just sinks in even more now.

2014 brought so much change. You decide to spend money and travel overseas just like you always dreamed. You....and allow me to emphasize YOU, break up with that guy you had been dating for 4 years. It's hard, and you're upset about it. And for awhile you wonder if you made the right decision. But, trust me, you did.

So, while you may not be married with kids in your own house like you wanted to be. At the current moment in life, I'd say you're exactly where you need to be. Which honestly, a house, kids, and married is no where near where you're at. So how about just getting that idea out of you're head till you're like 30. Okay?

Okay.

The Year of Change

As 2014 slowly comes to an end and Christmas just around the corner, I'm awestruck as to how much change has happened this year.

I've been incredibly blessed all year to venture off and do all sorts of things that I never imagined I would do in my life.

I won a beard competition, with my brother.

You can decide who's beard was better. Personally, I feel mine has a more creative touch rather than just all natural feel like his. But, who am I to judge?








I finally decided to go on pinterest and look up some insane activities for the summer. Probably the most ridiculous yet fun idea that came out of it was....

                                                              
                                                                 PAINT TWISTER!!

While messy and slippery, this is definitely something I recommend to everyone who wants to do something wild and crazy this coming summer. Definitely a family activity now to do at my brothers house.

I got to see, not one, but TWO of my nieces graduate this year.

 

 

I got to travel to Europe to go and visit my other niece. :) A once in a lifetime experience that I had only dreamed one day of doing. And when I say dream, I thought I would be 30 before I even had enough money to think about traveling outside the US. So, I was exceptionally happy I was able to do this so early in life.

 

 

 

When I got back home from Europe, my brother convinced me to join in a demolition derby. Which I won!!!!!!!

 

 
 

 

 

 And finally to finish out the year, and post about something I haven't already mentioned in my blog, I decided to invest in and early Christmas present this year for my mom.

 

 

 

I bought a plane ticket for the both of us and flew out to Boston to visit my cousin that lives out there. It was such an amazing trip and full of so much history.

 

 

I've also had a lot of other changes in my life as well. Breaking up with a boyfriend, dating again, becoming closer to my friends, watching the birth of on my best friends children be born....

 

So, I have a lot to be grateful for this Christmas. I've been blessed in so many ways, and I can't wait to see what the new year will bring!

 

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!

Thanksgiving

Ahh, Thanksgiving...

I thoroughly enjoy this time of the year. Mostly because I can pig out on food pretty much all week long and not get judged for it. But, also because I get to spend time with my family.

I've been on social media a lot more recently. The weather here hasn't exactly been motivating me to get up and do something productive with my life after work. I know, that's probably the lamest excuse in the world, but it's the truth. Thus, I become an expert during the winter time at scrolling social media and online shopping centers for stuff that would make my mundane life at least a little more interesting.

With that said, I've been noticing a lot of people doing the "What I'm Thankful For" challenge. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a challenge where you pick a certain amount of days and post a picture of something you're thankful for on that day. I've seen the number of days range anywhere between 100 to 4....

Honestly, I like the concept. Mostly because I'm nosy and like seeing what people might be enjoying in their life, but also because it gives you a sense of simplicity. I saw one person post a picture of a flower and wrote, "Today I'm thankful for the beauty on this earth."

Another person took a picture of their fridge and wrote, "Today, I'm thankful I can eat my own food, in my own home."

The list could go on and on.

Of course, if you look further into these pictures, you always have the cynic who chimes in to say, "You should be thankful for this more than just one day a year..."

This, is where I'd like to jump in and smack someone right on the dome. We have Thanksgiving not just for historical significance, but to remember to give thanks for things we do have. That one day a year where we get to sit back and think of all the things we forget to be thankful for the rest of our days.

It's hard. It's hard to remember that you should be thankful for having food in your house because most of the time you're working your ass off to get that food there. It's hard to be thankful for your family because you have a hard time seeing them aside from holidays. It's hard to be thankful for your life some days, because life in general is hard. And some days, like thanksgiving, we have to be reminded as to why we should be happy to be alive.

Because, there are so many reasons to be happy. To be grateful. To be thankful for all that we are given or have worked for.

Like food.....lots of food.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving!

Focusing on me

I'm finally updating my blog again, after centuries of being away from it.

I do have a reasoning behind it though.

See, I've delved a lot on social media and what it does. For me, personally, it's a way of being as self-absorbed as possible. To somehow etched sympathy out of people, scrounge for compliments for my pictures I post, and to generally make me feel like an over-all likeable person.

For awhile I thought I was a bad person for doing this. I mean, for one to be so self absorbed as to post about themselves and talk about themselves daily. I didn't want to be that person. I don't want to be that person. However, focusing on this fact has made me realize....everyone does it. In fact, I feel as though it's a social norm to do it now.

Perhaps it's wrong. Perhaps it's not the way to go about doing things and letting everyone know what's going on in your life. I guess that's where discretion should be put into play. But, even now, it kind of feels good to be talking just about myself again. So, therefore, I'm going to join up in this social norm again. Starting now.

I've been really busy these last couple of week focusing on work and myself.

Not too long ago, I got out of 3+ year relationship. Dealing with that sort of thing is never easy, but for me it was like a screaming wake up call that I didn't see coming.

It made me take a step back and realize that everything I had thought I wanted or didn't want was all morphed around being with this person. I mean, I know that happens with being in a relationship for so long.....

I had thought I wanted to settle down at an early age, move to south where it's warmer, travel around a bit, and just live life as it may come.

Now that I'm alone, I realize that I don't want any of that. In fact, I'm not sure what I want. And I'm completely okay with that.

I like the prospect of just doing what ever life throws at me. I do whatever I want, when I want without having to answer to anyone as to why I did it. I'm figuring out that I actually like things that I thought I hated and how close minded I've been to these experiences.

This is in no way to offend people who have decided to settle down and live their life with someone. I mean, all the more power to you for being able to make that commitment to each other.

For me though, that's just a no go. In fact, the prospect of settling down right now at only 22 years old kind of scares me shitless to be honest. Give it like 3 years and with the right person, and maybe you can catch me walking down the isle.....just maybe.

But for now, I'm good with just settling down in my bed with my xbox and playing some Destiny.

When life gets crazy....wreck a few cars.

I honestly have been so blessed this past week it's been incredible.

Last Thursday I entered into a demolition derby. In case anyone was wondering, this isn't like a racing derby...it was a full "fight to the death" scenario with vehicles. Basically we wrecked into each other until someone's car either A). Quit working/couldn't move or B). Caught on fire and then quit working.

It was intense, crazy, and a complete adrenaline rush. The craziest part about all of it though....

I won!!

I beat out nine other guys (including my own brother) and took home a nice huge trophy and $300 in spending money.

Honestly, even looking back on it now, I find it hard to believe that I even won. Some of the guys in this competition had been doing this for years (my brother for example), and little ole me won my first time around. I didn't have a strategy of anything either....I just did my own thing and hoped that my car didn't catch fire.

A lot of people kept asking beforehand if I was nervous.

But I wasn't...not really at least. I mean, I had the minor fear that my car would randomly combust on me and I'd get caught in a fiery death trap...but seriously, how absurd does that sound? Hence, why it was a minor fear.

Which brings me to my point.

As people, we seem to let fear consume us on things that we honestly shouldn't be afraid of. And out of fear, we can bring up justifiable reasoning as to why whatever we're about to do is a bad idea. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's a 50/50 chance that what you're about to do IS in fact a bad idea. But, when it comes to running a derby, skydiving, trying a new food, meeting new people.... those aren't bad ideas. They're just new. And that's scary.

Which is why I strive to overcome some of those fears. Not all, because lets face it, if I were to follow through with my plan of jumping into a pit of lions JUST so I could pet one....that would clearly be not only scary, but stupid. But to just step out and do something out of the norm. Entering a fake beard contest, doing this derby, flying to Switzerland, even just writing this blog for people to see....

All of those have different types of fears that people succumb to on a daily basis. Fear of judgment, fear of getting hurt, fear of the unknown.....yet here I am.

Not because I'm trying to prove something or "be cool". I do it, simply because I want to. Because if I don't do it now, I know I'll regret it later.

I don't want to miss out on anything like that simply because I was afraid. Fear can be overcome. Regrets are harder to deal with.

Not that I don't have any, I have plenty of things I wish I would've done when I was younger that I just refused to do. And I'm sure there will be more to come. I can't imagine going through my life and looking back thinking "I had the perfect life. No regrets."

Because lets face it, you're gonna have regrets. Big ones, small ones....they'll come. The challenge though, is to fill those regrets with even better memories.

Oh, you didn't climb that rock wall as a child. That's fine, go climb it now. Oh, you didn't have a lot friends when you were little. Go make great friends now. Oh, I didn't go to college when I should've. What's stopping you now?

Quoting the millions of people who have said it before, life doesn't stop for anyone. Every second is another minute is another hour added on to your life. Do you really want to waste it by living in fear of the what if's?

Go out, crash a couple cars, get banged up, and enjoy life. And let me know how you feel afterward :)

Generation Gap

What day is it?!

Its HUMMPP DAYY!!!

Only two more day's till the weekend, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Anyway, I'm an avid youtube watcher. And by avid, I mean, I'll usually watch it for an hour while I'm in bed because I can't fall asleep. And it seems like these past two weeks, it's been almost every night. Not that I mind. I actually quite enjoy this time to myself.

I'm also an avid gamer. I love playing video games, and not just COD either like some girls. Assasin's Creed, Left 4 Dead, Titanfall, Fable, Sims, Medal of Honor, Final Fantasy, Kindom Hearts....the list just goes on and on. They say that playing video games will inadvertently "rot your brain." Which, if this is the case, mine should be a puddle of jelly by now.

Yet, here I am.

Unfortunately, with a love of video games also comes the inability at times to not afford these video games. Or actually invest in them because you worry that they will be crap and you just spent $60.00 on a game you would rather throw in the garbage.

So, my youtube searches usually consist of me searching for others playing a game I might be interested in. I recently came across a youtuber named "Pewdiepie." He's a youtuber from Sweden who plays video games for a living while recording himself reacting to them.

It may just be my sense of humor, but the guy is hilarious. Yes, he's vulgar. Yes, he screams...a lot. But he's funny. And he incorporates that into his videos.

He has a video on his channel called: "Pewdiepie reacts to elders react to Pewdiepie."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-KQW-cSpoc

Here's the link for anyone interested.

That title is a mouthful, I know. But basically the video is about him watching a video of the older generation reacting to his video's. Most of the reactions are what I was expecting. They hated him. Plain and simple. Except for maybe 3 of the people featured.

It's not a surprise at all either. Like I said, he's vulgar. And what he's doing, playing video games while recording it for people to watch...it's just not what that generation was about.

Now yell, scream, disagree all you want but our "up and coming" generations, mine included, are LAZY. And yes....it's okay to call it "technologically inclined" what ever makes you happiest.

The older generations were go-getters. But because they had to be. They didn't have the technology at their feet like we do. And to the older generation reading this, you know it's true. Don't shake you're head and exit out. Just bear with me.

I think both generations, the old and young, have their ups and downs.

I really look up to the older generation for getting along without technology the way they did. I'm not gonna lie, I would be lost. Someone mine as well stick me in a bed, wrap me up tight, and leave me there for the next couple days till I can figure out how to function without everything I usually have.

That may be sad, but that's okay. I'm fully aware of my technology dependency.

Of course I'm also speaking as a personal reference. Other's in my generation, even in my friend group, would probably get along just fine without technology (and yes, you know who you are). While I know others in my "friend group" (posse, gal pals, buddies....whatever else you could call them)  would be cuddling in that bed right along with me.

That, and the vulgarity of the guys video's is a little much for some people to handle. That's also a personal reference. I am just not offended by it.

And that has nothing to do with how I was raised, where I live, etc. I was raised in a very Christian household. I respect my mom's rules about language, what I can and can't say, blah, blah, blah....

But as I've gotten older, I've morphed and become part of the society we are currently living in. We're not a bad generation. But we ARE different. And differences are hard for people to accept.

So, to react to those elders on the video criticizing this guy and asking why so many people watch it... well the answer to that is simple.

Cause we're different.

Because I don't want to buy a video game that's gonna be crap. (Again personal tastes)

Because I find his video's hilarious.

Because I can actually relate to this guy when I play games.

Because I'm a gamer.

And you might have been too if the technology was offered up to you. But it wasn't. So you aren't.

Which is good for you.

However, I would like to point out...that guy who's video is "garbage" also has 29 million subscribers that he calls his "Bro Army."

And yes, I'm a part of it.

So, even if you despise his videos....you gotta give him credit. He's doing something right.

Now if only I could figure out how to make money by doing that....

 

First Time Traveler: Learn from Experience

Hello all,

I know it's been forever since I actually updated my blog, but such is life....well my life at least.

As many know, I had it planned to go to Switzerland for a week in July. However, three weeks before I left I ended up dislocating my knee cap. Which, to my luck, put me in a knee brace that I had to wear for 8 weeks. That being said, the Dr. still gave me the go-ahead to go on my trip (with knee brace entail).

Well, I went....and the trip was AMAZING!

Switzerland was pretty much everything I had hoped it would be and then some. There were nothing but mountains and greenery everywhere! It was un-like anything I was use to seeing the states.

As many know, I was really nervous for this trip. It was the first time ever flying overseas, and I had no idea what to expect. In my mind I had made up many scenario's, all of which usually ended in my niece and I missing our flight and not getting to Switzerland/ going home.

I did a lot of research before the trip as well, planning on what to pack and what I might need in case of an emergency.

Well, now that the trip is all said and over with, I did learn quite a few things that I'll remember for future trips and will hopefully help anyone else traveling overseas for the first time.

1). Keep track of your flight.

Luckily our flight wasn't cancelled or delayed in any way on our way there and back. In fact, I believe we were early both times. However, it was crazy how much I saw flights getting delayed, which if I had been on a connecting flight, would have sucked. People were flat out RUNNING through the airport at times to catch a connecting flight that was getting ready to leave.

2). Make your suitcase stand out

At first I thought I had done a good job. I had a normal blue suitcase, and I simply put a sticker on it and scrawled my name in ink on the side. However, at baggage claim, it seemed like there were a million other suitcases exactly like mine. That and both times the suitcase had been flipped over concealing the sticker. My niece, on the other hand, has a brilliant mind. She tied a bright silver ribbon to her suitcase to make it stand out. And it worked. We usually spotted hers before mine. Something to keep in mind...

3). Airplane food isn't as bad as you think...

This might be my own personal opinion, but beforehand I had read so many horror stories about the food on the airlines. In my mind, I was expecting the meal to taste like cardboard with melted ice cream on the side. But actually, the meal was fairly decent. Pasta, chicken and rise, yogurt, coffee, lots of water....of course all this being said. It could really just depend on the airline. We flew Swiss Air....others may not be as nice.

4). Don't expect to get a lot of sleep.

Maybe if you're flying first class or business...but in coach. Forget it. I got in some light cat naps on both the way there and back, but nothing I would consider a decent sleep. Not that I was expecting it. And the airline was nice enough to provide a pillow and blanket (which helped considering our flight there was a night flight). But still....I was definitely jet lagged both going there and coming home.

5). Bring a language dictionary or get a translator....

Luckily, we had family translating for us who spoke the language. However, I can't imagine going there just out of the blue without knowing any German. Sure, in Zurich, English was common...but outside of that...like the trains...good luck. They speak English, but it's really hard to understand. Oh, and Switzerland is Swiss-German....just find a translator.

6). Don't eat out....

Or at least, don't go there with the intentions of eating out every night. Luckily, again, we stayed with family. So we had the luxury of home cooked meals, and food at our finger tips if we wanted it. But to just go to restaurant's for an entire week....well plan on taking a lot of money with you if you intend to do that. People aren't lying when they say Europe is expensive.

7).  Don't drive.

At least in Switzerland anyway. They have enough public transportation to get you from point A to point B without the hassle of driving on the roads. Plus, it was an experience all in its own to travel by the trains. Something we don't do a lot of in America.

8). Don't be afraid to try new things.

Like jumping into a river and crashing into the metal grating at the end, or any and all the food there. You'll miss out a LOT if you don't try everything a place has to offer.

9). None of these tips will fully impact you until you travel.

And, I'm following suit to the hundreds of blogs that have already listed all of these tips before. Honestly, mine aren't any different from those before except for this honest tip. You can read and re-read this a hundred times and think you're prepared. But honestly, until you just go out and do it, you won't fully understand any of them and the impact of how true they are.

Traveling, in it's own, is an experience that I would encourage everyone to get the chance to do one day. Until then, my words here, will be just words.

Anyway, I LOVED Switzerland. If it's not on one of your places to travel, I highly recommend you put it there. It's a beautiful country, and I enjoyed my entire stay there. Every city is uniquely different in it's own way. The people are friendly. And, they DO have really good chocolate.

My niece and I in Luzern, Switzerland

 

Chur, Switzerland

 

My niece Megan, Lina (our family in Switzerland), and me.